Take Advantage
by Juliez
Summary: Yugi runs away with Yami, leaving Joe to take care of Grandpa. Joe buys a slave (Anzu), yet Seto has other plans in store.
1. Grandpa Splits

Prologue  
  
  
  
Julie: So, who shall we start with today? *unlocks cage full of Yugi Oh characters*  
  
Characters: Nooooo! *Joe gets pushed out of the cage*  
  
Joe: Hey guys, what did you do that for?  
  
Julie: All right, how shall we torture him then?  
  
Characters: *chanting* Fall in Love!  
  
Joe: No, not that!  
  
Julie: If you hadn't said that, I wouldn't have done it, but since you're miserable.  
  
Joe: What a good idea!  
  
Julie: Too late. *To characters* Who will he fall in love with?  
  
Characters: *push Anzu out*  
  
Julie: *snickers*  
  
Anzu: *puts on puppy dog eyes*  
  
Julie: Don't even start with that?  
  
Anzu: Oh great!  
  
Julie: Well I'm glad you're so enthusiastic.  
  
Anzu: I didn't mean it like THAT!  
  
Julie: Oh no? *gives threatening glance*  
  
Anzu: I did, and I'll even write the disclaimer.  
  
Joe: Suckup!  
  
Anzu: Why you.I'll kill you with my bare hands! Julie: Now guys, cooperate! It's my job to kill people, not yours! So Anzu, you were saying about writing the disclaimer. Anzu: Sure, right away! (  
  
Julie does not own Yugi Oh, however if she did, she would be the most perfect and fair owner in the world.  
  
Joe: Three cheers for Julie!  
  
Everyone: *stares at him oddly*  
  
Chapter 1  
  
  
  
Joe notices a shiny object on the table. He goes to see what it is, and finds a letter wrapped in aluminum foil. He picks it up and reads it:  
  
*Dear Joe, I have run away with my love, Yami (the pharaoh). By the way, did you notice the pharaoh was gone? (Probably not!) Please take care of my grandfather (he lives with us, he's the old man by the cat.) Yugi P.S. I wrapped the letter in tin foil so that you would notice it. *  
  
Joe: We have a cat?  
  
Grandpa: *thinks* Oh my god, I'm stuck with an idiot.  
  
Cat: *agreeing* Meow!  
  
Cat: *picks up its toy mouse and swings it in front of Joe*  
  
Joe: *tries to grab the mouse, but fails*  
  
Cat: *thinking* Oh great, now I've got a pet!  
  
Finally realizing that a cat was toying him with, Joe looked at the old man, sitting just where Yugi had described.  
  
Joe: It's odd, I've never noticed him there before.  
  
Grandpa: Bring me my herbs Joe, I'm not feeling so good.  
  
Joe goes out in the garden, and looks at all the pots marked "Grandpa's herbs." He walks right past them, to the great big patch of grass and rips a handful of it. Then, with a proud look on his face, he brings the grass to Grandpa.  
  
Joe: I've got your herbs, Gramps.  
  
Grandpa: Now go take your medicine, boy!  
  
Joe: What do you mean, Gramps?  
  
Grandpa: Never mind. Now go take a walk in the desert, and look at the pretty cactuses.  
  
Joe goes outside, and onto the path leading to the desert. He then sees a magnificently purple butterfly, so invitingly fluttering above the road leading into town. Joe skips after the butterfly, but then notices a glittery stand. He walks over to the owner.  
  
Joe: I couldn't help but notice the glittery stand.  
  
Owner: *thinks* I put that in for idiots like you.  
  
Owner: Would you like to buy one of my beautiful slave girls? *claps* Come out Mai.  
  
Mai comes out onto the stage, her glittery robes glistening in the sunlight.  
  
Joe: Oooh, shiny!  
  
Mai: There's no way in hell I'm being sold to this moron! *storms off stage, and pushes Anzu out*  
  
Owner: I'm not selling her!  
  
Joe: *does not hear the owner, because he's slow* That is the most beautiful.*looks up at the sky and sees a bird* that is the biggest bird I've ever seen.wait a minute.* looks back at the stage* most beautiful girl I've ever seen.  
  
Owner: Sold, to the glistening idiot up front.  
  
Joe: *gives up all his money to the owner, which wasn't that much because grandpa took most of it before Joe left. *  
  
Anzu looks at her new owner. Oddly enough, she likes him, and follows him home (even after Joe realized that he went in the wrong direction for almost ten miles, and then turns back.)  
  
Anzu: So, what did you buy me for, if I may ask?  
  
Joe: Oh, I just thought you were pretty, I guess.  
  
Anzu was amazed at the frankness and innocence of her new owner.  
  
Anzu: So master, what chores or duties will I be required to perform?  
  
Joe: I dunno, I never thought of that. *thinks* Wow, I've got a slave, and I've never thought this much before either.  
  
When Joe and Anzu got home, Joe made a formal introduction of the slave he had just bought.  
  
Joe: Hey Gramps.  
  
Grandpa: Who's the girl?  
  
Joe: Oh, I bought a slave, did I forget to tell you?  
  
Grandpa: Yeah, I think you did. *thinks* Thank God I took all of his money, or else he would've bought an elephant.  
  
Anzu: So, what can I do for you, masters?  
  
Joe: Aw shucks, you ain't got to do nothin. Here, have a seat, I'll make you a cup of tea.  
  
Grandpa: Uh, I think I'd better do that.  
  
Joe: So, what's your name, slave girl?  
  
Anzu: My name is Anzu.  
  
Joe: Well, Anzu, would you like a foot massage?  
  
Anzu: Well, if you don't mind?  
  
Joe: Not at all, *gives Anzu a foot massage*  
  
Grandpa: *comes in with two cups of tea* What are you doing Joe?  
  
Joe: Givin' the girl a foot massage. Where's the third cup of tea Gramps?  
  
Grandpa: The slave girl can make her own! Joe: Oh no, we shouldn't trouble her. By the way, where will she sleep? I know, you can take Gramps' bed, Anzu dear.  
  
Grandpa: What? I cannot permit a SLAVE to sleep in my warm bed? Where will I sleep?  
  
Joe: Well you can sleep on the chair, with the cat.  
  
Cat: *thinks* Great, now they're trying to take over my one and only possession, my chair!  
  
Grandpa: Now I've had enough! It's bad enough that my grandson leaves me with a guy with a brain the size of a pea, even smaller, but now he's trying to give my bed to the slave! I'm moving to Las Vegas, where they have the Ugga Ugga dancers. *jumps out of the window* 


	2. The Robbers and the Cat

After a few days, when the cat has brought home mice for meals, and fed them to Jou, a large white bird carrying a letter wrapped in extremely shiny tin foil flies through the open window.  
  
Cat: *thinking* Does anyone ever close those things?  
  
Jou: *gazing at the letter with the largest eyes* Ooh…..shiny…..  
  
Anzu: *sleeping on Grandpa's bed because she is not required to do anything anymore.*  
  
Jou takes off the letter from the bird, and tries to open the bird. After numerous attempts, and failures, he proceeds to try and open the letter. The bird, happily set free, flies away into the open window, which the cat is trying to close. Many hours pass before Jou realizes that he is holding the letter upside down, and THAT is why he cannot read it. Finally, he reads the letter.  
  
Dear Jou and Cat,  
  
I presume that by now Grandpa is gone. After all, who can live in the same house with you for more than a week? Did you ever wonder why I ran away with the pharaoh, Yami? Of course you didn't. I sent you some money, being the good friend that I am. If you are ever in need of more, there is plenty in my room. It's the one with the door. …  
  
Jou: What's a door?  
  
….I am sure you are wondering what a door is. Anyhow, that is not important. My room is the one with the Yami wallpaper, posters, pillows, and bed sheets….  
  
Jou: Who's Yami?  
  
….I am sure you are wondering who Yami is. He is the pharaoh, the one that rules Egypt, and the one I look very much like, and ran away with. And please Jou, do not buy anything with the letter, it is not the money. The money is the gold within the letter. I send my love, and good bye.   
  
Yugi.  
  
Anzu: *in the sweetest voice possible* Oh Jou, I am ready for my hourly fanning. And yes, bring the palm leaves.  
  
Jou: *brings in a tiny leaf, and starts to fan her with it.*  
  
Cat: *chews on the palm leaf, thinking* This will never be used again.  
  
Meanwhile, robbers jump in through the always open window.  
  
Cat: When ARE they going to close that thing?  
  
The robbers are almost through the window, when the main one stops, right in front of Jou.  
  
Main Robber: Hey, we weren't supposed to know about this until he actually bought something with the letter!  
  
Robber 1: Sorry man, I thought he already did.  
  
Main Robber: Well, let's come back later. File out people!  
  
The robbers leave, unnoticed, except by the cat.  
  
Anzu, getting hotter by the second, because she is fanned with a tiny leaf decides that this is enough!  
  
Anzu: Jou, can you go buy me some sweets?   
  
Jou: Anything for you, dearest.  
  
Jou goes back to the table, where he left the letter. He picks it up, thinking it is the money that Yugi sent him. Jou leaves the house through the window.  
  
Cat: *sighs* No one uses the door anymore!  
  
Jou , after spending some time being stuck in the window, and getting help from the cat, finds his way to the market, following a pink butterfly, which surprisingly enough, brought him to the right place.  
  
Butterfly: Great, now I'm the moron's guide.  
  
Jou wonders what his dear Anzu considers sweets. He decides to go over to the stall marked fertilizer, thinking it is a fancy name for a candy. The stall owner, seeing a walking gold coin, greets Jou.  
  
Stall Owner: Hello sir, what can I interest you in?  
  
Jou: I am here to buy some fertilizer. I assume it is a candy.  
  
Stall Owner: *greedy eyes* Yes, a very tasty candy.  
  
Jou: Good, my dearest shall love it.   
  
Stall Owner: Good, and I shall throw in this glittery bag to carry it in, for a smart gentleman such as yourself.  
  
Jou: I shall take 10 pounds, please.  
  
Stall Owner: Of course, sir.  
  
Jou: *pays the Stall Owner with the letter Yugi sent him.*  
  
Jou goes home, the glittery bag casually slung over his shoulder. The pink butterfly leading him home, having fluttered above him as he made his purchase, thinking it only humane that it leads home a man who has just bought ten pounds of fertilizer, thinking it was candy. Jou gets home surprisingly fast.  
  
Anzu: Jou, can I have my sweets now?  
  
Jou: Sure. *hands her the fertilizer.   
  
Anzu: *smells it, and throws it out the open window.* Thank you dear, this is just what I wanted. *rolls her eyes*  
  
Jou: *big smile* Glad you like it, and look! *shows her glittery bag* He threw that in for free, because I was so smart.  
  
Anzu: *rolls eyes again* Yes dear, of course you are.  
  
A knock is heard on the door.   
  
Cat: At least someone uses that thing!  
  
Jou opens the door, revealing a dozen robbers behind it.   
  
Robbers: Hello, might we come n?  
  
Jou: Sure. *holds the door as all twelve of the robbers walk in*  
  
Robbers: We are here to rob your house. Can you show us to the room with the Yami posters, wallpaper, pillow, and bed sheets?  
  
Jou: Sure!  
  
Jou leads them to the room covered with tinfoil.  
  
Robbers: Thank you, now, please go back to what you were doing. You see, we like to rob in privacy.  
  
Jou: Whatever you wish, sirs.  
  
Jou leaves to ogle at his shiny new bag, while the robbers find the right room, and begin to rummage through it. They find bags full of money, and take them.  
  
Robbers with twelve giant bags full of money: Thank you for your cooperation! We would normally use the window, but there is fertilizer piled outside it.   
  
Jou: *opens the door for the robbers to leave*  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
Cat: *finds a skull and holds it in its paws* Oh woe is me, woe is me! To be or not to be, that is the question! Darling Grandpa, how I miss you so. Oh woe is me, woe…is me!  
  
Julia: Wrong story cat, that's Shakespeare.  
  
Cat: *glares at Julia* Did you come through the door?  
  
Julia: Nope, through the window.  
  
Cat: What about the fertilizer?  
  
Julia: It's my story, I got rid of it…*grins*   
  
Julia: *holds up a mouse, and waves it in front of the cat*  
  
Cat: That trick is so old, it only works on Jou.  
  
Julia: *sighs* Well, you might as well do the disclaimer, if you're so smart!  
  
Cat: *glares* Oh, alright!  
  
Disclaimer: Julia does not own Yugi-Oh, or any of its characters, and yada yada yada. 


End file.
